Detour in Detroit
by mq97
Summary: Hwoarang, gangster rapper wannabe, goes to Detroit. All sorts of randomness happens. My first story, technically.
1. Chapter 1

**Detour in Detroit**

Baek Do San Residence

Hwo: Yo! S'up, Mista B!

B(sighing): Hwoarang, you just won't give up believing you're a gangster, will you?

H: Hell no, man! I can even rap like a gangsta; look!

(goes into rapper's stance)

_Masta B don't think I can rap,_

_Well he can jus' go and take a fuckin' nap_

H: See? Now I'm haulin' ass! ( Pulls 2 ton trunks behind him as he leaves)

B: Where do you think you're going?

H: Detroit, yo! I'm joinin' ma people!

B: Think about it, Hwoarang; you won't last a second out there!

H: Ma mind's all set. Catch ya lata Mista B!(leaves)

B(sighs): I should stop training with people. I killed my old man, and now my kicks messed up Hwoarang's mind! What to do?

( A light bulb suddenly pops above his head): Aha! ( rushes to make a long distance call).

B: Hey, Eddie, how are you?

E: Hello, Baek. You haven't called in ages. I was starting to get worried.

B: Well, I was busy with the red-head.

E: Oh, yes, how is he? Still thinks he's a " homie"?

B: Yes, I'm afraid so. How's Christie? Who's she pretending to be now?

E: Fergie. She's very upset at not winning the " My Fergie" contest. In fact, we've had her in a straitjacket ever since she got back from MTV.

(Baek hears a distant wailing from the other end of the line)

B:...

E: So what's up?

B: Hwoarang's going over to Detroit, hoping to join his "brothers". I need you to bring him back to his senses. Show him what the real ghetto is like.

E: Oh, no, man. I can't give your boy a tour. I'm a rich businessman, a well-respected society figure.

B: You owe me, Eddie

(flashback)

_Christie is having one of her "phases". She's pretending to be Halle Berry, and is play-acting said actress's role in the movie " Catwoman"._

_Christie(jumps off a 10 story building): Wheeeeeee!_

_She lands on an innocent passerby, who happens to be Baek._

( End flashback)

E: Oh, right.

( he makes some calls and finds out where Hwo is staying in Detroit)

At Hwoarang's 10x10 apartment,

( Door knocks, Hwo opens it to find a gun pointing at him)

Hwo: Who the hell are you?

( Eddie and Bruce Irvin enter. Eddie has on a pimpsuit, gold chains and diamond rings. Bruce wears a baggy T, low-hanging pants and a cap flipped backwards that says: FCUK)

Bruce: The hell are you lookin' at?

H( staring at Bruce's white boxers with red hearts; his pants are hanging THAT low): Nothing...

E(sneers at H): Nice clothes you got there!

H: Thanks man, got 'em from a 50 cent Store(A/N: pun intended; he got 'em from a $1/2 store, but he thinks it's a store named after said gangster)

E(gets angry): SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UGLY REDHEADED BASTARD MOTHERFUCKIN SON OF A BITCH!( pauses to regain breath; if he wasn't black, he'd be purple)

H(trembling):...

E: Do you know what I hate most?

H: Um, Michael Jackson?

E: WANNABES!( knocks Hwo out with the butt of his gun)

Bruce: That was some performance.

E: Thanks, get the car, quick.

(flashback)

_Eddie is in his mansion's library, holding a pocketbook with the title: " Gangster Phrase Book"._

_E: All right, let's see... " dude" means pal, " nigga/homie" are, um,almost the same thing; hmm.."moffo"..._

_hey, Bruce what does "moffo" mean again?_

_B:..._

( End Flashback)

At Eddie's makeshift gangster place,

( Hwo wakes up and hears some noises. He goes to look and enters a room to find Christie in a slutty Fergie outfit, singing _Fergilicious _ and shaking her booty.)

Christie:

_Fergilicious, definition, makes the boys go loko_

_they want my treasures so they get their pleasures from my photo_

_you can see me you can squeeze me_

_I ain't easy I ain't sleazy_

_I got reasons why I tease 'em_

_Boys jus' come and go like seasons_

H( hearts in his eyes): wolf-whistles

C:...

( Eddie comes in with Dr B and his experiment Roger. Roger knocks Hwo out with a well-aimed punch)

E: Time for her evening shot, Doctor.

Dr B: Oh, yes( gives Christie something to knock her out. He and Eddie then strap her to her bed. Eddie and Bruce hall off Hwo to his room)

E(sobs): Oh, God, I worshipped you all my life! What have I done to deserve this mess?!

Bruce( hands E a tissue):...

**End of first Chapter**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

(Eddy and Bruce are havin a debate)

E: No Way!

B: Come on Eddy, gangsters don't wear pimpsuits. The kid's gonna know something's up.

E: Nah, he's not that bright. In fact, he's really thick-headed.

(flashback from chapter 1)

Eddy knocks Hwo out with the butt of his gun

E(looking at his now mangled gun): Noooo! That was my collector's edition Desert Eagle!

(End of flashback)

B: Tell ya what, Eddy, you wear the outfit I gotcha, and I'll save ya the trouble of taking Christie to MTV tonight.

E: Deal then.

(Eddy disappears and comes back wearing this grey, tight sleeveless shirt, low-waist three-quarter-length jeans and a pair of sneakers)

E: I look stupid wearing this!

B: Not as stupid as you look in your Capoeira outfit!

E: No, goddamit!

B:...

E: What?!

B: You actually _swore_ Eddy! Man, the kid must be getting to ya!

E: shut up, Bruce! Don't give me that" Don't use the Lord's name in vain" sermon! That's what my Church pays King to do!

B: Whatever you say...

(that night)

E: I'm taking the boy on a tour of Chinatown!

B: Chinatown?! eddy, even you must know that you won't find any homies down there!

E: I know, but I don't fancy the mortality rate down in the ghetto! I'm willing to bet Asian gangsters are a bit tamer than their black counterparts.

B: You're the boss... lemme go get the car ready.

E: wait, you're not going with us, you're taking Christie to MTV!

B: Right...

(When Bruce leaves Eddy changes back into his pimpsuit)

_Chinatown_

E: Yo, listen up, Hwo, cuz I'm only sayin dis once. You wanna be a gangsta, you gotta pass our rookie test, which means you gotta try your luck in China Shit first.

H: What ya want me ta do, Mista E?

E: I got a shitload o' guns in da back. I want you to go to dat night store over dere and fuck da place up!

( Hwo takes two handguns and marches into Marshall Law's Night Store)

H: Yo, I'm gonna fuck dis place up!( tries to shoot but discovers that his weapons are actually Bebe guns)

Law:...

(Law pulls a shotgun from under the counter)

H: Oh shit!

( Eddy sitting comfortably in the car hears shots)

E: What the-

(Hwo comes tearing outof the shop,pursued by Law and his shotgun)

H: Jus' drive man!

( They barely get away)

( At Feng's Fantasy-a nightclub)

Lee Chaolan(unicorn outfit): I wanna get laid!

Asuka( wearing black haltertop,hotpants and boots and carrying a whip): ...

( she whips Lee's ass and he screams like a girl)

( Eddy and Hwo enter, thinkin to escape Law)

E(noticing Lee): Hey, I remember you; you tricked Christie into sleeping with you!

L: I didn't do nothing! She was the one who thought I was, like, Tom Cruise or something!

E: You're ass is mine!

L: No it's not! It's for the hottie beside you.

A( eyes on Hwo too): Hubba, hubba, hubba ( whips Lee again)

E: Yo, we're fuckin dis place up, for real dis time!

( They fight and all the noise attracts the owner)

Feng Wei: the hell is going on?( notices Lee's pimpsuit, identical to his own) YOU DUMB MOFFO, HOW DARE YOU COPY ME! LAW(Law enters with a batallionof Chinese gangsters wielding shotguns)

E: I should hav listened to Bruce about the suit! Aaaaargh! ( bails with H, Lee and A, closely followed by mobsters)

E: Over there!(they see a van with " West Custom" on it)

Exhibit: Yo, Eddy, hop on!

( Eddy, H, L and A jump in)

Bruce(beside Exhibit): What's with the suit again, and who r those people?

E: Long story, thanx man!

Exhibit: no problem, brother.

E: what's that noise from the back?

Ex: Oh dat's Christie; she's been causin shit in MTV so we had to haul ass. Those your friends?

E: Nah, jus' some random freaks we picked up.

A: Hubba, hubba, hubba( whips Ho)


End file.
